THE CUTEST AND MOST ADORABLE THING YOU WILL EVER READ IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE
HOW ARE NOSELESS AND MOUTHLESS THOR AND LOKI SO ADORABLE
(Source: The amazingly talented and creative Lauren Gracek)
- He has no face.
- He tells me it’s ok to kill people
- She stares at me from the ceiling
- The man in the Easter Bunny costume loves me so much
- I talk to her through the mirror
- When you leave, she crawls out of my closet on all 4’s
- When I take a bath, he comes out of the water
- She says she’ll take me away with her one day forever
- He has no arms or legs
- She’s bloody and she cries all the time
Dying right now.
I cannot believe this got so many notes. But this is the continuation.
THIS WOMAN IS MY NEW HERO.
When the Internet gives you lemons, make lemonade.
This is such a righteous post that I am happy I stayed up late. I will probably still regret going to school on 5hrs of sleep, but then I’ll just think of this and not give a damn.
My faverouite person ever.
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
Soooo this is the episode description for 9x11…now I know I KNOW I was just going on the other day about how IMDB is INCREDIBLY unreliable in terms of information but, have we seen this description for this episode anywhere else? All we really know about this ep so far is it centers around Cain and how he “retired” from being a demon for love, yeah? I mean it couldn’t be more vague but “an abrupt change in his relationship with Castiel”?????
IM SORRY WHAT
WHAT IS WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHIT
like look at how that is fucking worded
like are you FUCKING joking
his relationship with Castiel
like is sam even back?
cause like in 9x10 they’re like saving him
but he’s not mentioned in this
and this is about Cain
literally about cain retiring from being a demon
are you fucking joking
literally what is this
i swear to all that is fucking holy
if they get me excited
and it’s some fucking no homo bullshit
AND ITS WRITTEN BY ROBBIE IM GONNA FUCKING VOMIT
"an abrupt change comes about in his relationship with castiel"
Like it can’t be negative Cas is in every goddamn episode after this
AND IM SORRY LOOK AT THE PREVIEW THING FOR 9x10